Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
