anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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