i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
