I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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