Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
