i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
