By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
