I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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