Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
