Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
