I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
