He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
