I smell stomach acid.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
