Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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