I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize