I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
