Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
