you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
