When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
