honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
