I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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