Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
