New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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