Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
