dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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