nut hugger
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drake has all the answers
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
