I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
