Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
