Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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