what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
