It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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