A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
