so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
