I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
