1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
