Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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