Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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