Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I could fuck to npr.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They left me at home... I'm a liability
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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