you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
