Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
