Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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