Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
