I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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