Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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