If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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