You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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