you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My feet surprised me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
