he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
