Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
