I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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