I will die if light touches me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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