Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
