I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
