Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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