I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
