people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
