He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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