I'm so fucking centered right now
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
