My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
