i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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