Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
