Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize