if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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