I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize