he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
