I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
