I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
