I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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