I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
